Beware the B.U.D.D.Y. System!/Transcript

Transcript

Transcript[]


	(Zooms in on the city of Saint Canard Jack in the box plays. Explosion. Robbers run)
Quackerjack	He, he, he. Child's play.
Megavolt	(Bulbs breaking) No! I will avenge you my bulby brothernine. Who would dare?
Darkwing Duck	I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the little rollerskate at the base of villaiys stair case. I am Darkwing..Duck!
Quackerjack	Play times over.
Darkwing Duck	and I gotta get a shorter intro.
	(Run's after the robbers leaping over rooftops. Swings off, landing on Quackerjack.)
Darkwing Duck	Let's get dangerous!
	(Megavolt fires electricity at Darkwing Duck, missing. Liqadator hits him with water. Darkwing uses grapling hook doging their attacks. Megavolt and Liquadator hit each other.)
Megavolt and Liquadator	ugh. ugh. ugh... ugh. ugh. ugh...
	(Zooms out showing Darkwing Duck on the TV Dewey Duck is watching.)
Launchpad McQuack	Big day Dewey. Mustard stain or ketchup stain?
Dewey Duck	Mustard looks less like blood. What is this weird show?
Launchpad	Woah, what Darkwing Duck the greatest TV show of all time.
Dewey	Ha, maybe when you were a kid. This hero guy doesn't fly or shoot lasers or anything.
Launchpad	That hero guy is Jim Starling. He was an old school actor who did all his own stunts. Sure he got a little banged up in later seasons.
Darkwing Duck (On the TV)	Ow, o. Keep rolling.
Launchpad	But that just made him even more heroic.
Dewey	Why didn't he just use CGI?
Launchpad	Ha, ha. Real hero's don't need high tech special effects or basic safety precautions. So, how do I look?
	(Dewey gives him a thumbs up. They both get in the car.)
Launchpad	Remember Dewey, a true hero thinks of his gut or not at all. Right D.W?
Darkwing Duck (Bobble Head)	Let's get dangerous!
Dewey	Whats the special occasion anyway?
Launchpad	I finally got my driver's license.
Dewey	Uh, wait what? Ahhhhhhh!
	(Launchpad drives through the garage door.)
	(Intro plays)
Dewey (slow motion) Launchpad	Aghhhhh! Aghhhhh!
Dewey	Ugh! How are you even a driver without a driver's license?
Launchpad	Hey, come on I got a pilot's license don't I-wait don't I?
Dewey	(sighs) Aren't you worried Scrooge will find out?
Launchpad	You kidding, I had them mail the license straight to him so he'd be the first to know. (sniffs) He's gonna be so proud of me, huh wow.
Dewey	The bin. The bin. The bin slow down!
	(Launchpad screeches the car to a halt in a parking space)
Dewey	Breathing heavily.
Launchpad	I bet Mr. Mcdee got some big party planed for my big day. Wouldn't want to ruin the-Surprise, huh. (Bursts into different rooms) Surprise! Supplies. Boy he's really getting my hopes up the payoff is gonna be amazing. Surprise!
Scrooge McDuck Gyro Gearloose	Shhhhh! Shhhhh!
Gyro	Quiet! The Gearloose monolithic rail converts oral input into Kinetic propulsion.
Launchpad Dewey	Bah? Bah?
Scrooge	Sound power train.
Launchpad Dewey	Bah. Bah.
Launchpad	Ah. Sorry Mr. Mcdee, but I thought you might want to hear-
Gyro	I don't want to hear anything. This sensitive prototype runs on noise, observe. Hm hmm hm hm hmmm hmmmm.
	(Trains starts to move, slowly)
Fenton Crackshell	Ilumination Doctor Gearloose, alpha numerical substition. The catagorical reorganiization off letters to prime digits.
	(Train speeds fast around the track propelling into a window. Releasing water into the lab.)
Gyro	Ah! (Pushes over Dewey) My blueprints!
	(Hits a button, causing a metal panel to slide over the cracked window.)
Fenton	Sorry Doctor Gearloose.
Gyro	Intern try to think!
Fenton	That's all I do all the time.
Gyro	Well, do it better.
Launchpad	You probably couldn't fit a driver in that tiny train anyway. Say speaking of drivers-
Scrooge	Gyro the board needs results. Ever since Bulb tech backfired ya need a invention that, well...
Dewey	Won't turn evil and kill us all.
Gyro	With all due respect sir. Innovation doesn't work that way. I can't just wake up one morning and say-
Dewey	How about a self-driving robot car?
Launchpad	A what now?
Gyro	Bla. Too many variables. A self driving robot car would turn evil like that. (Snaps fingers) Nobody could-
Dewey	Mark beaks did. He just posted that he's having a demo later today.
Gyro	What! That hack, couldn't even poke him a microwave. We'll see about this!
Launchpad	Okay cool. I'll just tell you my big news later.
Scrooge	Launchpad I almost forgot!
Launchpad	Yeah?
Scrooge	Stop having mail delivered to my office. That's for incoming checks and death threats only.
	(Launchpad picks up the thrown envelope taking out his license)
Gyro	Wait what does a smiley face anvil road kill mean?
Mark Beaks	Crushed it!
	(claping for beaks)
Beaks	Its a hectic world, posting things online, checking to see who liked your post. Couldn't you use a little time for yourself. Couldn't you use a buddy? That's the beaks, un-manned, driver, drone, yay! Buddy will drive you anywhere quickly, efficiently and cheaply. Buddy is compatible with any vehicle, making traditional drivers a thing of the past. The Waddle buddy system because machines are the new man and hold for applause.
Launchpad	Boo! Bad! Do not like!
Gyro	Agreed, very negative feelings indeed.
Beaks	Whoa! Scrooge's driver and his chief inventor are threatened by my buddy here. Well that is how you know it's a good product.
Gyro	Uh how can you ensure that this machine won't turn evil! Huh, I never said that out loud.
Beaks	Top secret Beaks tech means this baby's 100% obedient to it's master. Next question please.
Launchpad	Oh Yeah! Can you program a robot to brave the unknown and laugh at danger?
Beaks	Yes.
Launchpad	Can a robot greet you with a kind word at the end of a long day?
Beaks	Yes.
B.U.D.D.Y	That's a nice grey cardigan Mr. Beaks you are killing it today.
Launchpad	Yeah well. Can a robot pull you from the wreckage of a crash with a reassuring smile that tells you everything's gonna be okay?
Beaks	Well, no because it can't crash
Launchpad	I'm sorry what?
Beaks	Buddy show him. Buddy's patented sensors mean a smooth, crash free ride. No matter the situation you can count on buddy to get you where you going safely. Any more questions?
Scrooge	This automated marvel could safe McDuck enterprises a fortune.
Dewey	Your not seriously gonna by one of these things? I mean not when you have plenty of good drivers/pilots already.
Scrooge	I may buy a whole fleet unless anyone has any brighter ideas.
Gyro	Hmmm.
Launchpad	A race!
Dewey	(Gasps) What are you doing?
Launchpad	Thinking with my gut. Me V.S the bot winner gets free candy for life.
	(Dewey whsipers something to Launchpad)
Launchpad	Oh thats better. Winner gets named the ultimate driver.
Scrooge	A race would give me the chance to see how buddy preforms in a real world senario.
Mark Beaks	oooooooo. Dramatic in in in in in in.
Launchpad	May the best man-ooo Ow! Very strong robot hand.
	(Launchpad and Dewey sneak into the lab at night.)
Launchpad	AAH!
Dewey	Ah, look out it's headless man horse. It broke in to hoof us all to death!
Gyro	What? Don't be dumb. Just trying out some new interns. Don't tell my existing intern. Manny, dispose of them, violently. I can't have any distractions.
Launchpad	No, wait. I need help. See, I have this friend. Let's call him Not-Launchpad. And he got and challenged a robot to a race, pretty common scenario. Now, Not-Launchpad definitely isn't afraid of losing and his boss replacing him with a robot, but he has a friend. Let's call him, uh, Launchpad, who is very worried about that. So I, he, they, uh, thought you could help figure out how to take this robot down, yes? Oh, in this scenario, you're still you.
Gyro	Dummy, there's some dummies here to see you.
Fenton	At your beck and call, Dr. Gearloose. I heard everything. Everything. I'm happy to prove my worth by meeting Mr McQuack. Dr. Gearloose is working on an innovation that will better all of mankind both literally and figuratively. Behold. Operating passcode Blathering...
Gyro	No! That is not ready yet. Go to your room!
Fenton	Forgive Dr. Gearloose. He's a little more deranged than usual trying to figure out how Beaks beat him to the self-driving car.
Launchpad	That won't be a problem once I put that tin can it its place. In the recycling, where the garbage goes.
Dewey	Woof. We'll work on smack talk later. Right now, we need something to help Launchpad get the edge on Buddy.
Fenton	Step into my laboratory.
Dewey	Your lab is in the bathroom?
Fenton	Dr. Gearloose says this is the perfect place for my work. I'm just now realizing that remark may not have been entirely complementary. No matter! So how are we going to soup up your car? Frictionless tires, oscillating overthruster, an engine that can bend the very fabric of space itself?
Dewey	Yes, all of that.
Launchpad	Eh, I don't know about all of these gizmos, can't you just give me a couple of pointers on how to beat that robot?
Fenton	Reprogramming a man's brain to complete with a sophisticated auto intelligence.
Dewey	Reprogram Launchpad? What about thinking with your gut and getting dangerous?
Launchpad	Well, if Mr. McD thinks this uncrashable robo-me is so great, I have to prove I can get dangerous in the safest way possible.
Fenton	That's sure to get Dr. Gearloose's attention. It could work! I'll clean that later.
	scene: driving course in the desert
Fenton	Don't go over thirty-two miles per hour, and hit all turns at a safe thirty-five degree bend, and increase velocity by fifteen percent on straightaway. These visual cues will trigger psychosomatic synaptic reflexes to improve your performance. Did you get all that?
Launchpad	...Yes.
Beaks	Welcome to the Waddle test track. Time for the ultimate contest between man and machine. First around the block wins.
Launchpad	Don't worry, Mr. McD, I got this.
Scrooge	Good lad. Beat this bionic blaggard and I can probably talk Beaks down on price when I buy a fleet of them. Anyway, good luck.
Dewey	Hey, you're the best personal driver I ever had. You got this.
Fenton	Follow the tips and you have a fifty-one percent chance of winning, and whatever you do, play it safe. Don't crash.
Launchpad	Wait, "don't" crash?
Beaks	Racers, to your marks.
Darkwing Duck Bobble-head	Let's get dangerous.
Beaks	Get set... Pew! Pew pew pew pew pewpewpewpewpewpew.... That means Go!
Launchpad	And we're off. Hands at ten and two, keep it in first gear, or was that hands at ten and one, second gear? Where's the index? Oh no.
Dewey and Fenton	Don't crash. Don't crash.
Launchpad	Gotta catch up. Ah, check your six, carry the two, uh, seventeen, other number, two!
BUDDY	Adjusting for hazardous conditions.
Launchpad	Huhh, Uhuhuhu, Hah.
Dewey	Ah! He's gonna do it!
Fenton	Go, you bumblebee like savant, Go!
Beaks	grr.
Launchpad	Woo! oof!
Beaks	Hahah! did it. Take that, everyone who's not me.
Scrooge	Impressive display, Beaks. You have really built something, here.
Gyro	Or did he? I couldn't be sure til I saw how it performed under pressure. The precision, the deadly grace, oh yes, I've seen it before. Ha HAH! Beaks tech is actually bulb tech. That's how he beat me to the punch. He stole my technology! Officer, arrest this man.
Scrooge	Is this true?
Beaks	Of course not. I didn't steal it from him, I stole it from a public online forum then Beaksed it up.
Gyro	How would one of my inventions end up online... (gasp)
Fenton	Haha, oh wow.
Gyro	You!
Fenton	You circumvented the kill switch. Why didn't anyone else on the message board figure that out?
Gyro	You posted my top secret plans on the internet?!
Fenton	You were having so much trouble keeping your inventions from turning evil so I turned to the net to crowdsource a solution?
	Infuriated with his top secret plans being sent into an internet, Gyro literarily cuts the loose and furiously charges at Femton, only to be apprehended by Dewey and Scrooge.	Gyro	NO!! YOU'RE FIRED!!!!
Fenton	Butbutbutbutbut... No..
Dewey	Easy, easy, easy, calm down...
Launchpad	Uh, back to town, Mr. McD?
Scrooge	That's alright Launchpad, we'll ride with Beaks and Buddy to sign the sales paperwork. Come on, Dewey.
Gyro	So, how did you keep bulb tech from going bad?
Beaks	Say what, now?
Gyro	The morality circuits, modify them keep them from going evil?
Beaks	No, I just made them look less dorky. They're dumb robots, right?
Gyro	Oh no. nononononono!
All	AAAHHH!
Fenton	Room for one more? (sigh) I have so many ideas, but I try too hard hoping at least one of them will stand out. Just vomiting them out at random like Blah, solve world hunger, blah, infrared toothbrush, I just want to help people you know? (car screaming in background) Make them better.
Lunchpad	Why? Even if you try to be better, there's always someone better than you, maybe with built in wifi. You'll just be ignored. Best to stop trying. Man, is there anyone having a worse day than us?
All	AAAHHH!
Scrooge	Shore these child locks.
BUDDY	Please remain seated.
Scrooge	Take that, you magnetic monstrosity.
BUDDY	Buckle up for safety.
Scrooge	Sanctimonious seat belts.
Beaks	oh, W-we need a logic puzzle to fry its circuits. Robot, what is love?
Gyro	That's stupid. Robot, could I invent an element so heavy even I couldn't lift it?
Beaks	I definitely could.
Gyro	No, you couldn't!
Dewey	Give it a rest, geniuses. (honks horn)
Lunchpad	Yes, you replaced me with a cool robot car. I get it.
All	AAAHHH!
Fenton	Buddy's gone glitchy. They're in trouble.
Lunchpad	What? I may not be Mr. McD's driver for much longer, but he can still count on me to get him to where he's going. I'll keep him busy. You figure out a way to get them out of that car.
Fenton	I think I got something for that. You try corralling him into a ravine.
Lunchpad	Or I'll probably just crash into it.
Fenton	Isn't that really, really, unsafe?
Lunchpad	I tried playing it safe, old friend. Didn't work.
Launchpad with Bobble-head	Let's get dangerous.
Dewey	Launchpad!
Launchpad	Give me your hand!
Fenton	C'mon, pick up, pick up, pick up!
Manny	(clopping) Gearloose labs.
Fenton	Manny! Salvation. I know we have our differences in the past, but now we must put them aside for the greater good of scientific endeavor. What say you?
Manny	(clopping) Who is this?
Fenton	It's me, Fenton Crackshell Cabrara. Just put the phone up to the floor! Operating passcode: BLATHERING BLATHERSCITE! Manny, did anything happen? Oof!
BUDDY	Please keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle at all times.
Dewey	Ah.
Launchpad	Ah! Dewey!
Dewey	AAHH! (gasp)
Gizmoduck	Gotcha! Hahaha, wow! Hold on, I'll get you out, somehow.
Scrooge	Oh good, another robot.
Gizmoduck's suit computer	Calculating options. Activating shoulder blades.
Gizmoduck	I suggest you hold very, very still.
Scrooge	Oh, hey.
Gizmoduck	Come on!
Suit	Incoming threat.
Gizmoduck	c'mon suit, do something.
Suit	Defense mode: activated.
Dewey	Woah, look out!
Scrooge	Who the blazes are you?
Gizmoduck	Call me, (gets hit by car) Gizmoduck!
Gyro	Gizmoduck?
Beaks	Gizmoduck.
Gizmoduck	Suit, make it stop, make it stop! Suit! Help!
Suit	Activating rodeo grapple
Gizmoduck	Ah, missed, something else.
Suit	Activating pectoral parachute.
Gizmoduck	Stop! Stop! Brakes! Brakes! AAHH!!
Launchpad	You're a robot this whole time, huh? Neat.
Fenton	I'm not...
Suit	Warning! Incoming threat.
Fenton	Move!
Launchpad and Dewey	Ah!
BUDDY	For your safety, please stop the vehicle and return to the passenger seat.
Launchpad	Looks like the only to survive is to crash.
Dewey	Too dangerous! Too dangerous!
All	Ha ha hah!
Launchpad	Take that, you bucket of bolts. I'm sorry, is that offensive?
Fenton	I'm not a... AAHH!
Suit	Activating helmet copter.
Gizmoduck	Ha ha ha ha, woo! I'm alive! This is awesome!
Launchpad	Wow, looks like somebody's first crash. (back at garage) Have a good day Mr. McD?
Scrooge	Nice work today, Launchpad. See you tomorrow.
Launchpad	You're... not gonna replace me?
Scrooge	Replace you? Don't be daft. Where would I ever find a driver as crazy and dangerous as I am? Oh, Dewey told me about your driver's license. Congratulations.
Launchpad	Aw, your approval is all the driver's license I need. C'mon, uh...
Scrooge	You should really keep the license.
Fenton	Sir! I was cleaning out my desk when suddenly the prototype armor burst from the chamber like so many split atoms and...
Gyro	Ah, save it. I'm fired, Gizmoduck. (sigh) Scrooge is always complaining my inventions are "dangerous." This armor has got to be one hundred percent idiot-proof and well, you're just the idiot to prove it.
Fenton	Oh, thank you sir. You won't regret this. This project stays top secret til it's out of beta. I won't tell a soul...
Launchpad	Bye Gyro. Bye Gizmoduck.
Fenton	...from now on.
Gyro	(sigh) Gizmoduck. What a stupid name.
Beaks	Gizmoduck... I must have him.