Transcript[]
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The episode commences with a shot of a body of water, and the camera pulls up revealing statues of swans, one in the center with a bow and arrow aiming upwards. Cut to inside the casino, someone is dealing cards. Two dog males watch one roll some dice getting nine in a set. The casino is almost full of canine people. In walks Launchpad dressed like a super spy. | |
|---|---|
| Launchpad | Hmm, spiffy. |
| Dewey (over communicator) | Double-O-Duck? This is Dewble-O-Duck. You need to find the enemy agent, Red Feather, and say the password, "Cold Pastrami on rye, hold the mustard." |
| Launchpad | Mmm, yummy. What are you doing? |
| All | (Gasp) |
| Dewey |
What I Dewey best. (singing) Never found the truth Never knew the meaning Your endless charm and youth Never stopped me dreaming But now it's dawned on me That intellect I'll never see So I must go Never know |
| Launchpad | (slides in front of Red Feather) Uh, hi! |
| Red Feather | Can I help you? |
| Launchpad | Ham and cheese. Uh, no, uh, pepperoni. No. Oh, gosh, no, now I'm hungry.... Uh, ketchup? Er-no-uh... Thousand Island? Uh, I can't remember when I'm hungry..... Uh..... |
| Red Feather | Sorry, Double-O-Duck. The kitchen is closed. |
| Launchpad | [coughing and groaning] |
| Screen shows up with the text "You Died". | |
| Dewey | Man, I can't believe we lost that game so fast. I had a sassy quip ready and everything. LP? Game over. |
| Launchpad | [panting] It's a little too real. |
| Webby | Yay! You won! |
| Dewey | [disappointedly] No, we totally lost. |
| Scrooge | So you're done roaming around in that forsaken room? |
| Dewey | It is a super high-tech game. When you put on these glasses, you're in a different world. Haven't you ever wanted to plug into a thrilling high-stakes adventure? |
| Scrooge | [Gestures towards himself, who's gone on many thrilling high-stakes adventures.] |
| Dewey | Can we play one more time? |
| Launchpad | Pretty please, Uncle McDee. |
| Scrooge | It is bad enough I have to set foot in this contraptionary carnival to pick you up. Now you want me to stay here? |
| Webby | You know, Uncle Scrooge, I've always wanted to introduce you to the Captain's Quarters Arcade. Come on! |
| Dewey | All right, LP. Let's jack in and reboot their butts. |
| Launchpad | I don't know. Maybe you should do this one on your own. |
| Dewey | Hey, we're a team. We got this. |
| Launchpad | No pressure, LP. Just a simple spy game. What could go wrong? |
| Bradford | Black Heron. Steelbeak. We have intruders. |
| Cuts to intro. | |
| Bradford | McDuck is here. |
| Steelbeak | McWhat? I hate that guy! |
| Black Heron | F.O.W.L. chose this absurd location because he'd never step foot in a place like Funso's! |
| Steelbeak | I miss the old lair, the Sat-a-Lighthouse; Hehe, classic villain lair. |
| Bradford | Get them out of here, without rousing suspicion. (ends call) |
| Black Heron | Director Buzzard is right. They can discover my Intelli-Ray. |
| Steelbeak | Intelli-buh? |
| Black Heron | Ugh. (goes to raygun) The Third Eye Diamond. A mystical relic pulled from the F.O.W.L. archives. It increases the intellect of its target. Observe. |
| Black Heron | This simple rodent had a brain the size of a pea. Sound familiar? |
| Steelbeak | Haha. Rats are dumb, right? |
| Black Heron | I centupled its intelligence. |
| Steelbeak | (confusion) |
| Black Heron | I raised it's I.Q. |
| Steelbeak | (shrugs) |
| Black Heron | (sighs) I made the dumb rat smart. |
| Steelbeak | Oooh, I see. What you got there is a smart rat ray. Why didn't you just say that? |
| Black Heron | (sighs) But if I could reverse this beam, I could use this weapon to make Scrooge McDuck dumber than the dummies! Ahahaha! Any questions? |
| Steelbeak | Did the rat make that jumpsuit on a regular sewing machine or did it build it on its own tiny sewing machine? Either way, I'm very-- |
| Black Heron | Just get rid of them, stupid. |
| Steelbeak | I'm not stupid. I'll go. Not 'cause you told me, but because there's no trap like a steel trap. |
| Black Heron | GO! |
| Steelbeak | Y'know, 'cause my beak, it's made of steel. |
| - | |
| Webby | Put in a token then whack at these moles with this hammer! |
| Scrooge | I pay for the privilege of doing someone else's yard work? Pass. |
| Webby | So that's a no to video games, Uke or Puke, Mole Whacker, and sitting quietly on a bench. |
| Scrooge | I'm sorry, Webbigail, but these video graphic adventures will never compare to the real.... thing? |
| - | |
| Prospector Paul | There's gold in them hills! |
| - | |
| Webby | Yes! Skee ball! Roll the balls into the point holes and get-- |
| Scrooge | Gold?! |
| Webby | And... tickets! |
| Scrooge | Eh, fun diversion, but it will never compare to the actual thrill of.... |
| - | |
| Prospector Paul | Eureka! A hundred points! |
| - | |
| Scrooge | Oooh, ha-ha, stand back Webbigail! |
| - | |
| Scrooge | These sidewinding claim-jumpers won't stop me from striking it ticket rich! |
| - | |
| Launchpad | There we go. Can't let Dewey down, gotta be smart, gotta win. You lose, we all go home. |
| Dewey | Calm down, LP, it's only a game. Our last game, and the last of my allowance, but don't overthink it. |
| - | |
| Launchpad | All right. Okay bud, you can do this. |
| - | |
| Dewey | Okay, I'll have your back this time so nothing goes wrong. Remember, we say the passcode, win the card game, locate the villain's lair, once there, find the secret weapon, save the world, then we get pizza! |
| Launchpad | Yes, pizza. |
| Dewey | But first, we take out Odduck. |
| - | |
| Red Feather | Can I help you? |
| Launchpad | Uh, cold.... |
| Dewey | ....pastrami on rye, hold the mustard. |
| Launchpad | Pickles, no onions. |
| Red Feather | Hmph. I am Red Feather. |
| Dewey | Duck. Dewey Duck. |
| Launchpad | Pad. Launchpad. McQuack. My name is Launchpad McQuack. |
| Red Feather | Men of exquisite taste. Follow. |
| - | |
| Dewey | I never saw the game do this before. |
| Launchpad | Maybe he's a secret boss? |
| Steelbeak | Name's Steelbeak. You boys enjoying your spy games? (laughs) |
| Launchpad | We are, thank you for asking. |
| - | |
| Dealer | The game is baccarat chemin de fer. Stakes on the bank hand, but customer's holding the shoe. |
| Launchpad | I get it. |
| Steelbeak | Yes, I do as well. Go fish. |
| Launchpad | Old maid. |
| - | |
| Steelbeak | Uh... Crazy eights. |
| - | |
| Launchpad | Checkmate. |
| Steelbeak | Ugh. Well played. |
| Dewey | It was? |
| Launchpad | I guess you were outsmart-guyed. |
| Steelbeak | Heh, I don't know schmantzy card games, but how about a game of 52 pickup your teeth?! |
| - | |
| Launchpad | The pain feels so lifelike! |
| - | |
| Dewey | Looks like the cards were stacked against... Hey! |
| - | |
| Launchpad | We did it! |
| - | |
| Prospector Paul | Bonanza! A hundred points! |
| - | |
| Webby | I knew you'd love this! Oh, hey, let me show you this trick shot! |
| Scrooge | Not now, lass. I'm on a roll. I need to keep my strength up. Fetch your uncle a tin of mutton! |
| Webby | I think they just have nachos.... |
| - | |
| Launchpad | I gotcha! |
| - | |
| Steelbeak | Thanks for playing. |
| - | |
| Launchpad | Dewey? |
| - | |
| Dewey | Launchpad? Oh, man, do you know what this means? |
| Launchpad & Dewey | We made it to the next level! |
| Dewey | Now we just need to find a way out of here. There's always some kind of escape puzzle or hidden panel, like..... this one! Okay..... Like this one! Nerp.... |
| - | |
| Launchpad | I think I got something. |
| - | |
| Steelbeak | The Funso job is done-zo! Hey, what's this mess now? |
| Black Heron | The Intelli-Ray, I just explained it to you. Ugh, I'll just show you. |
| (laughs) Success! | |
| Steelbeak | Of course! With this, we can make Scrooge so hungry he'll eat all the world's toy! |
| Black Heron | What? No, it's not making them hungry, they're dumb. Wait, where are the ducks? |
| Steelbeak | Relax, they think they're in a game. I put them in one of the holding cells. And yes, I did put them in those flashy prisoner jumpsuits. |
| Black Heron | You brought Scrooge McDuck's family to OUR lair, where Scrooge McDuck will come looking for them because he's Scrooge McDuck?! |
| Egghead | Duh, that ain't smart. |
| - | |
| Black Heron | You were supposed to get rid of them, not bring them to us! Ugh, why must I be surrounded by imbeciles?! |
| Launchpad | Almost..... Ow! |
| Dewey | Did you get it? |
| Launchpad | No, it takes some kinda genius to figure this out. Okay, think. Now, what can rubber bands do? Band things together, they go stretchy, they snap really hard.... What am I missing? I see a wall, door, glass, and... floor. Ugh, what does it all mean? |
| - | |
| Dewey | Wow, the solution is to build a tiny plane and teach a mouse to fly it? |
| Launchpad | Yes, I figured that out. |
| Dewey | I'm sorry I doubted you, LP, you're getting the hand of this. Now we've got to find the villain's secret weapon. |
| - | |
| Black Heron | I should've let you rotting in that prison cell in St. Cannard. After I sort this out, I'm reporting you to High Command. |
| Steelbeak | Easy, Heron. That's no way to talk to your partner. |
| Black Heron | Partner? You are a stooge. A low-level flunky, you bird-brained, idiotic, stupid-- |
| Steelbeak | STOP CALLING ME THAT! |
| - | |
| Steelbeak | Not so smart now, are ya? All right, dum-dums, I'm taking over. |
| - | |
| Scrooge | Yes! I did it! I'm the richest duck in the arcade! |
| Webby | Great, Uncle Scrooge. Now we exchange these tickets for prizes and- |
| Scrooge | Find your own grubstake, you gut burglar. |
| Webby | Oh... O-okay, I think you got a little too into this game. |
| Scrooge | Everyone wants a piece of my fortune! I'm gonna need some kind of ticket repository or safe, or- |
| Webby | (annoyed) Ticket bin? |
| Scrooge | Yes! That'll do it! Hahahaha! |
| - | |
| Dewey | There's the bad guy, this is easy! A little too easy... |
| Launchpad | I got this! |
| Dewey | No wait where is the- |
| - | |
| Dewey | ....device. |
| - | |
| Steelbeak | Look at what we've got here. A jailbreak. Now I have to "break" you. |
| Launchpad | Yeah, well, there is no "I" in "You." |
| Steelbeak | But there is a "You" in "You're done for." |
| Dewey | Ugh, these quips are terrible, can we fight already? |
| Steelbeak | Eggheads, scramble 'em! |
| Dewey | Now that was- AAAH! |
| - | |
| Launchpad | Oh, no! |
| - | |
| Dewey | Launchpad! Noooooooo! Man, that was his last life. I shall avenge you, my friend, to my last- Hey! I was in a middle of a monologue here, stupid game- |
| Steelbeak | NO ONE CALLS ME STUPID! And no one's ever gonna call me stupid again... |
| - | |
| Smart Launchpad | I'll take over from here, chap. |
| - | |
| Smart Launchpad | My mind, so nimble, so clear. That cad Steelbeak must have blasted me with an intelligence-enhancement ray. But what of Dewford? Hm.... |
| - | |
| Smart Launchpad | Mr. Steelbeak wanted you two to check the manifold coupling for the converter relays on Sector 13. |
| Egghead #1 | I dunno what any of those words mean. |
| Smart Launchpad | Heavens, you don't want them to think you don't know what you're doing. Hurry along now, Sector 13. |
| - | |
| Launchpad | Is thre some confusion, friend? |
| Egghead #2 | I, uh, actually try to avoid the number 13. They say it's bad luck. |
| Launchpad | Well, it's certainly proving to be bad luck FOR YOU! |
| - | |
| Launchpad | The Fiendish Organisation for World Larceny? They're back? They're plotting against Mr. McDee. And worse, they've already kidnapped dear Dewford. I won't let him down again. Hm, can't go out there looking like this.... All right, you dog. Where does Steelbeak keep his evening wear? |
| - | |
| Launchpad | Pick up, Mr. McDee, pick up.... I must warn you! |
| - | |
| Clerk | Sir, we can count those for you. |
| Scrooge | Yeeees, you'd like that, wouldn't you, sonny? |
| - | |
| Scrooge | Why do I have to spend these now? We could be ticket billionaires. |
| Webby | Oh, it's too bad. These tickets expire at the end of the day. |
| Clerk | These tickets don't ex- |
| - | |
| Smart Launchpad | Where the devil is Steelbeak going?! |
| - | |
| Dewey | Launchpad, you had another life? Ah, speedboat chase! I can taste the sea water! I'm actually afraid and a little dehydrated, this game is incredible! |
| Dewey, this is no game! Your family is in dang- | |
| - | |
| Smart Launchpad | No time for a.... crash course! |
| - | |
| Dewey | That's my partner! |
| - | |
| Steelbeak | How is he doing this?! |
| - | |
| Steelbeak | Hahaha! There goes your pal Lurch-pond! Heh, you know, 'cause he just got lurched into that pond over there? |
| Dewey | That's technically a bay. |
| Steelbeak | I'M NOT STUPID! |
| - | |
| Steelbeak | Classic villain lair. Soon, all of Duckburg will be full of dummies, and after that, the world. |
| Dewey | This is the end of the game? Some dumb lighthouse fight? This is a stuuuu.... pendous plan. Please don't kill me, this is my last life and Uncle Scrooge only gives us like a nickel a week..... |
| - | |
| Steelbeak | You again?! |
| - | |
| Steelbeak | Wait a minute, is that my suit?! |
| Smart Launchpad | It "suits" me better. |
| - | |
| Steelbeak | Wait a second. Your brain, your body..... They're all.... smart now! But not for long.... |
| Smart Launchpad | Wait! No! |
| - | |
| Smart Launchpad | You haven't adjusted the device correctly, you'll make the whole city imbecilic! |
| Steelbeak | Your fancy speak won't work on me, Dummy-O-Duck. Ha-ha, classic. |
| Smart Launchpad | But they'll be so dumb, they forget how to breathe! |
| Steelbeak | Uh.... Oh! Yeah! No-doy! That was totally my plan the whole time, and you just figured that out? Looks like you're not as smart as.... me! |
| Smart Launchpad | Not as smart as "I".... |
| - | |
| Steelbeak | What're you laughing at? |
| Smart Launchpad | This lighthouse has a bit of a.... rodent problem. |
| - | |
| Smart Launchpad | Thanks for the.... rescue. |
| - | |
| Smart Launchpad | Ah, the city is doomed! |
| - | |
| Smart Launchpad | No person could survive being that stupid. Except..... |
| - | |
| Dewey | Launchpad! I can't believe it, we might actually beat the game! |
| - | |
| Dewey | Launchpad? |
| - | |
| Smart Launchpad | I can't sacrifice my intelligent, there's so much more I could accomplish: Stop the world conspiracy out to get us, solve world hunger, land a plane! There must be some other way! |
| Dewey | What? Launchpad, why are you overthinking this? |
| Smart Launchpad | Because I want to be good enough for you! |
| Dewey | Of course you're good enough for me, you're my best friend. |
| - | |
| Smart Launchpad | For Dewey...... and Duckburg. |
| - | |
| Smart Launchpad | Remember meeeeeeeeee! |
| - | |
| Dewey | Did we beat it? We beat the game! |
| Launchpad | Was it all a game? |
| Launchpad | Wait till I tell Huey that I.... You beat the game. Nice job, Double-O. I'm not playing with anybody but you. |
| Webby | Whoa, looks like you two have seen some action. |
| Dewey | Us? What happened to you? Get anything good? |
| Scrooge | Mustache comb. Cost me three million tickets. |
| Dewey | Three million? How much money did you spend to get those tickets? |
| - | |
| Webby | I don't think we should bring you here anymore..... |
| Scrooge | Thank you. |
| - | |
| Smart Launchpad | [inside of his true self] You must warn them! F.O.W.L.'s plotting against their family! |
| Launchpad | Mr. McDee, I've got something really important to tell you..... I like purple, a lot. Man, I'm glad I got that off my chest. Bugging me. |
| Scrooge | All right, let's go home. |
| - | |
| Smart Launchpad | NO! WARN THEM, YOU OLD FOOL! WARN THEM! Oh, dash it all, I'm going for a soak. |
| - | |
| Bradford | [angrily] Wake up! You have any idea the mess I had to clean up? Bringing the ducks back to Funso's, returning Steelbeak here, restoring your intelligence as it were..... |
| Black Heron | Bradford, I- |
| Bradford | I told you! No intelligence-rays, or freeze-rays, or any kind of rays! |
| Steelbeak | Haha! Who's stupid now- |
| - | |
| Bradford | We are F.OW.L. We have to be smarter than that. We're not trying to destroy the world, we're going to steal it out from underneath McDuck's nose. Ew, why was this wet? |
| - |