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| Louie | Introducing Louie Incorporated (echo Incorporated.) It's a business. It's a dream. It's a movement. Suits, ties, charts, numbers, yachts, jet-skis, you? Louie Incorporated. It's a dream business movement. |
| Scrooge | Did you just do an internet search for the word "business?" |
| Louie | That's a trade secret. |
| Scrooge | So is it, uh, some kind of lemonade stand? |
| Louie | It's a dream of tomorrow made manifest today. Okay, so there are some things I haven't figured out yet. |
| Scrooge | Like what your business sells, does, and is. |
| Louie | Sure, yeah, but, this business is everything to me. I want to be a successful businessman like you. Cause you're like, my idol, and possibly angel investor? |
| Scrooge | You cannot just set out to make money. You have to find a problem and offer a solution. |
| Louie | My problem is I need money, and if would you just give it to me already, problem solution. |
| Scrooge | Louie, Louie, Louie. Look at your Uncle Donald. He saw that there was a housing shortage in Duckberg, so he's renting out the spare room in his houseboat. Problem, solution. He's helping people, and he- IS HE STEALING MY CHANDELIER? HEY! |
| Louie | But it takes money to make money, right? I just need a tiny little bit and I'll get out of your hair. |
| Scrooge | Alright, lad. How much do you need? |
| Louie | 2.5 billion, please. |
| Scrooge | (hysterical laughter) |
| Donald | Fancy. (rumbling) Earthquake! I can't get the house in. Ah phooey. |
| Storkules | Oh glorious day. The gods smile upon our meeting. Ha ha! |
| Donald | Storkules? You gotta go! My new tenet will be here any minute. |
| Storkules | One wonders what blessed soul be so fortunate as to share quarters with the legendary Donald duck, hmm? |
| Donald | I don't know. Go before you scare them away. |
| Storkules | What, would that even be possible if your new roommate were incapable of feeling fear, hmm? |
| Donald | Oh no. |
| Storkules | If indeed he were the defender of Delphi, the Lion of Lindos. |
| Donald | Oh no. |
| Storkules | Or what if he be I, Storkules? Slumber party! |
| Donald | Aahh! |
| opening theme | |
| Donald | Aahh! |
| Storkules | Ha ha! |
| Donald | Why? Why? Why? |
| Storkules | Why do our journeys cosmically intersect like Damon and Pythias? |
| Donald | No, why are you here? |
| Storkules | Oh, Father Zeus grew agitated with my lute playing so he rained a hail of harpies upon my merriment causing much chaos in Maceduckia. As punishment for my childish gaiety, Father cast me out and ordered me to become a responsible adult. So I thought who better to teach me than the most responsible man I know. |
| Donald | Oh. |
| Louie | A successful business must find a problem and solve it and that, my employees, is what we are here to figure out. |
| Huey | We're not your employees. We're your family. |
| Louie | At Louie Inc., family are the greatest employees of all. I mean, except Dewey. Dewey would make a terrible employee. |
| Dewey | (begins to talk and decides not to.) |
| Huey | This is clearly a bad idea. |
| Louie | Well then, I guess Webby will have to be chief chart officer. |
| Webby | Ooh.. |
| Louie | Yeah, gonna need a lot of charts, and checklists, plus maybe a checklist for those charts. Webby will be great. |
| Huey | Ah, okay. fine, I'm in. |
| Webby | Ugh.. |
| Louie | Okay team, let's brainstorm. What do people need? |
| Webby | Infinite cookies. crocheted hand grenade holders. Oh, free hugs! |
| Huey | Why don't we just sell lemonade? |
| Louie | Ugh, lemonade is small potatoes. |
| Webby | Oh! Potatoade! |
| Louie | Ugh! |
| Donald | (snoring) Ah! Ouch! |
| Storkules | Cohabitant Donald, Good morrow. |
| Donald | My kitchen! |
| Storkules | Oh Donald, twas nearly disastrous. Your stove made a horrible hissing sound when activated. Clearly a foe filled it with dangerous vipers. So I arrested the infernal snake box from the wall and threw it to safety. Now, we eat and restore our heroic figure |
| Donald | So, how long do you plan to stay? |
| Storkules | Why, until I become a responsible adult like you. Roommate responsibilities. What hallowed creed be this? Quiet hours from seven to six. Hmm, don't use my toothpaste. Uh huh. |
| Donald | And pay the rent on time. |
| Storkules | Rent? Why I assumed I'd pay with good cheer and eternal friendship, oh hoy! "Friendship is not money." hmm. |
| Donald | You need a job. |
| Storkules | By Helios's chariot, a job. That sounds most responsible. They followed me from Greece. I must wrangle those wretches so I can get back to my glorious labor of roommate responsibility. |
| Donald | No pets! |
| Storkules | By the way, there is orzo in the slow cooker. Do not open it unless the pasta failed to absorb the broth. Bye. |
| Donald | Ah! |
| Webby | But Louie, how can we have a corporate retreat if we don't even know what the business is yet. |
| Louie | That's why we're here. To kick loose. you know, let the creativity flow. We'll come up with a business idea in no time. |
| Huey | Hmm, we already spent our entire annual budget on skee-ball, so company done? |
| Louie | Everyone relax, okay? Our company just needs to find a problem to solve. |
| Huey and Webby | (gasp) |
| Louie | Just any problem at all. |
| Funso | My eyes! My delicate costume eyes! |
| Huey | Sit! Heel! Shoo! Ha! |
| Webby | Yah! |
| crying boy | Waah |
| Funso doll | Where fun is in the zone... (breaks) |
| crying boy | Waah |
| Storkules | Harpies! Be gone! |
| Funso | Huhuhoo! Thank you kind sir. You saved us. How can I repay you? |
| Storkules | A hero labors not for personal gain. Only- |
| Louie | Five hundred dollars plus tax. We also accept Funso Bucks. (to Storkules) You're hired. |
| Storkules | (gasp) You mean a job? |
| Louie | Welcome to Harp-B-Gone, a division of Louie Inc. |
| Storkules | Hurrah! |
| Next morning | |
| Storkules | Oh roommate responsibility. Oh, uh, Oh no, the toga holder, oh, oh. |
| Donald | What's going on? |
| Storkules | Oh nothing. I'm just going to work. I'm off to my job. Nothing like the dignity of a hard day's labor. |
| commercial | |
| Storkules | Mother, Father, what a beautiful and harpy free day for a helpless mortal tot like me to enjoy. Ah goo goo, and ga ga. |
| Webby | Yesiree. So glad there's no harpies around. Right, sweetums? |
| Huey | (falsetto) You said it, hubby. (normal) Who wrote this? |
| Storkules | A harpy! Oh what's a hapless babe to do? I have made a mighty poo-poo in my daipy! |
| Louie | I'm Louie Duck, founder and CEO of Harp-B-Gone. We're the leading task force dedicated to humanely capturing those pesky winged beasts infesting Duckberg. Remember, if you hear a "screee," call Louieee. (quickly) Harp-B-Gone not responsible for any shredding, pecking, clawing, tinnitus, exploding eardrums, and/or permanent fear of birds. |
| Storkules | Employer Llewellyn, if I may? Why do we play dress-up when there are still harpies afoot? |
| Louie | If someone sees a harpy, They have to know who to call and pay lots of money to get rid of it. |
| Huey | You better hope someone calls, because we're already broke. |
| Webby | Guys, are the harpies really so bad? Instead of capturing them, why don't we just mold their passion into something positive for society. |
| Louie | The problem can't be the solution, Webby. That's just business. |
| Huey | If we're going to trap them, we're going to have to figure out what they want. |
| Storkules | No mortal can know the mind of the featherless beast-face. |
| Huey | Huh, the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook knows. "Harpies, flying beasts of myth that steal-" Oh no, the thing I love most! |
| Louie | "Steals the thing you love most." Huh, says it right there. |
| Huey | Hmm. |
| Louie | We're in business. |
| Huey | Harp-B-Gone, please hold. Harp-B-Gone, please hold. |
| Montage of Harp-B-Gone answering calls, catching Harpies, and collecting money. | |
| Dewey | Live from McDuck manor, it's Dewey Dew-night! With our very special guest, the hottest name in supernatural pest removal, Harp-B-Gone! So-ho, Louie, my bro, CEO. What's next for Harp-B-Gone? |
| Louie | Merchandise. I gotta tell tell you. Selling out is everything I dreamed it would be. We got Harp-B-Gone pop-up books. |
| Dewey | Woah! |
| Louie | The harpy talon grabber arm. The kids love this one, the Harpy Scree-mask. |
| Storkules | Foul hex of Hades, they reproduced. Stop squirming vile harpy child. |
| Huey | Storkules, it's me, Huey. |
| Dewey | So you've been at this for weeks. When are these harpies finally gonna B gone? Ah Ha! |
| Louie | Who knows? Years? Decades? Hopefully never? |
| Storkules | Worry not. The harpies are vanquished. We captured the last cur today. Huzzah! |
| Louie | We What?! Meeting at headquarters in ten seconds! (ten seconds later) Storkules, the harpies aren't really gone are they? |
| Storkules | Indeed they are. Our business endeavor is a smashing success, and my heroic labor of responsibility is nigh complete. |
| Louie | There's no business without the harpies! |
| Storkules | But I thought wrangling the beasts was the point of the business. |
| Louie | The point of the business is to make money! |
| Webby | Or we could work with the harpies. I've been training them. I already got them to roll over a couple of times... before they gnawed through the floor. I've been figuring out how to get them to listen and- |
| Huey | Or we could keep the monsters locked up, you can pay us and we'll call it a day. |
| Louie | Oh yeah, ha ha ha, right, no problem, yep. I'll just reach into my pocket where the money is, (slowly) and your money is coming |
| Huey | You spent all the money on the merchandise, didn't you? |
| Louie | Yep, sure did, but we could sell it and make billions, or I could pay you in button grabber arms, perhaps? |
| Storkules | I cannot pay my rent. I have failed my heroic labor of responsibility. If I be not the hero, Be I a zero? |
| Louie | Don't worry, Storkules. I will figure something out. |
| Donald | (sleeping) What? Huh? Wha? Huh? Ahh. |
| Storkules | (gasp) Corporate overlord Llewelyn. What art thou doing? |
| Louie | I just wanted to check to see if they were locked in safely. Yep, everything looks good, so you just go, I guess. |
| Storkules | Of course. Employer Llewelyn, you have the honesty and integrity of a true hero, just like your uncle. |
| Louie | Fine, I was going to let them out, okay? I have to save the business. Quick, hide. Sometimes your solution to a problem is so good, there's no more problem, which is itself a problem, so you have to make a new problem, so you can sell a solution. You see my problem? |
| Storkules | Oh vexing riddle. If we unleash the savages they'll destroy Duckberg and take countless innocent lives, but if we leave them here, I lose my rent payment. Lest the harpies disturb Donald's delicate slumber. |
| Donald | Hey, what's going on? |
| Storkules | Just, you know, getting a midnight snack, ha ha rumbles in the tumbles. We should let you get back to your beauty rest. Not that your classical visage could get any more statuesque. |
| Louie | Yep, whatever he said. |
| Donald | What is that? |
| Louie | It's just a pet. They followed us home, Uncle Donald. Can we keep them? Pwease? |
| Donald | I told you. No pets! |
| Storkules | Honorable Donald, please I can explain. Listen- |
| Donald | No! You're out! You and your pets! |
| Storkules | No Donald, No, you mustn't let the beasts out. |
| Huey | Uh! |
| Webby | Down! Heel! Up! C'mon! |
| Huey | What did you do, Louie? |
| Storkules | Oh magnanimous Donald, please see it fit in your saintly heart to forgive me, I only did it to honor your most hallowed house rules. |
| Donald | Just go away! |
| Storkules | Donald, no. Our treasured friendship is the one thing I love most. |
| All | Uncle Donald! |
| Donald | Ah! |
| Storkules | That was most unwise of me. |
| Louie | What the. The solution to the problem became an even bigger problem. Unless, oh no, I'm the problem. |
| Huey | Yes, of course, obviously. |
| Donald | No, this is the problem. |
| Storkules | Humble Llewelyn, are you prepared to do the right thing? |
| Louie | Okay, yes. Wait, NO, I TAKE THAT BACK! |
| Storkules | Friend Donald! |
| Louie | Harpies, get ready to B-Gone! Trademark, Louie Duck. Oh we better think fast. |
| Donald | Just get us down. |
| Storkules | No! |
| Louie | We're a hundred feet high! Uncle Donald! Hold on! |
| Storkules | Roommate Donald, I dare not disrespect your boundaries, but may I have permission to enter your personal space for the sole purpose of saving your life? |
| Donald | Yes! Yes! |
| Louie | My beloved merch! Goodbye Harp-B-Gone: a subsidiary of Louie Incorporated. |
| Donald | No! What are you doing? |
| Louie | Solving the problem. |
| Storkules | What a fine home you've made, noble Donald, and for a brief moment as your roommate I've tasted that perfection. But alas, it seems I'd be not worthy to share quarters with the noblest duck in the world. |
| Donald | Okay, fine. You can stay. |
| Storkules | Ha ha! |
| Donald | In an apartment. And I'll help you find it. |
| Storkules | Father would be most proud. I shall never forget this, my inseparable chum, Donald. Nor your brave lesson of roommate etiquette and personal space. |
| Louie | Where were you? |
| Scrooge | Gah! Had a business opportunity at Cape Suzette. So you lost it all did you? |
| Louie | Yep, big time. Well, here's your investment back. |
| Scrooge | Consider it payment for that new idea you gave me. |
| Louie | You opened a lemonade business? |
| Scrooge | Enjoy it. That's the only can. We couldn't figure out a cost effective way to transport the lemons from Cape Suzette to the juicery in town. |
| Webby | No, heel, sit. |
| Louie | Huh, no one ever asked what they love most. |
| Roxanne Featherly | Looks like Scrooge McDuck is turning lemons into lemonade? Mr McDuck's new fair trade lemonade is one hundred percent organic and sustainable from the farm fresh lemons shipped in from Cape Suzette to the rehabilitated harpies that deliver and squeeze them. |
| Scrooge | That's right, Roxanne. No shipping costs, no fuel emissions. |
| Louie | And we pay them in the thing we love most. Delicious McDuck brand lemonade. because as CDO: Chief Delivery Officer- |
| Scrooge | Unpaid intern. |
| Louie | Not now. I believe in turning problems into solutions. |
| Roxanne Featherly | But how do you keep the harpies from stealing all your lemonade? |
| Louie | We are still working on that particular problem. |